Bruised, But Not Beaten
Here I am, starting this blog at 4:30 in the morning, and I’ve been awake since 3am. Although I’m tired, I could not go to sleep without writing this first. I want to share some of my testimony with you, but first, let me tell you about why I’m up.
Normally if my son sleeps with me, I wake up occasionally through the night to check on him, but I always go back to sleep. When I was about to go to sleep, God told me to sit up and pray because He wanted to talk with me. I’m learning more and more each day that when God tells you to do something, no matter how unorthodox it may be….you do it. I couldn’t just get up slightly in bed because I knew that I would go back to sleep, so I got out the bed to get some water and then sat fully up and alert on my bed.
After praying for some time, I started to feel a spot on my foot that had a splinter in it a couple of weeks ago. I was able to get more of it out and from what my mother and I could see, there wasn’t anything left…but I was still having pain. She instructed me to just give it time and it should come to the surface if something is there. Well, tonight I started to feel some pain in that area. I looked at my foot and I saw a spot, but it had been covered over by skin. The more I tried to press at it to try to push it out (to see if it was legitimately something there or just a spot where damage was done), it began to hurt worse. Now frustrated that this “thorn” was bothering me while I was praying, I began to cry out to God, “GOD….I AM TIRED OF THIS THORN IN MY FLESH. I’VE BEEN SICK MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I’M TIRED GOD.”
It was at that moment that I began to weep in a way that I haven’t in many years because I felt helpless. For those that don’t know (and most won’t), I was diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy at 8, Relapse Remitting Multiple Sclerosis at 24, and now Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension at 31. I cried out to God in such a strong way tonight because I wondered why God had ME to go through this…when nobody else in my family has suffered with these things before. Come to find out, it was for His glory. Let me show you how.
In my lamenting, God dropped in my spirit about Paul and the thorn in Paul’s flesh. I want to share with you the scripture first, followed by the commentary on the passage that The Jesus Bible gives, and lastly my response.
“7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:7-10, ESV
Now, here is the commentary from The Jesus Bible:
“THORN IN THE FLESH
Paul recognized his inclination to become conceited because of his own apostolic authority and impressive spiritual credentials. To keep Paul humble and maximize the glory given to God through Paul's ministry, God gave Paul a "thorn in [his] flesh" (v. 7).
Paul referred to this thorn as "a messenger of Satan" (v. 7), and therefore it may have been that God allowed the devil to attack Paul in some limited way in order to serve the Lord's own good purposes (Job 2:1). Beyond this, however, scripture is not clear as to the precise nature of Paul's struggle. Some have speculated that it was an issue related to his eyesight based on his comments in Galatians 4:13 - 15. In any event, it is clear that the issue was chronic and debilitating and was a hindrance to his work and ministry.
Regardless of the nature of Paul's thorn, two things are clear. First, God's grace was sufficient to sustain Paul through his struggle. And second, because of the disability in Paul's life, God received even more glory through Paul's ministry. It is for this reason that Paul was able to rejoice in his own suffering and delight in his own weakness.
The same principles apply to believers today. While God uses the strengths and skills of his people, even more glory can be attributed to God when his people rely on him, serve him and make themselves available despite their weaknesses and struggles.”
So, it was at this point that I really started to weep and just say thank you to God for changing my perspective. If I may be honest, there were some points in my life where I honestly thought God forgot about me because of my health and how it affects me daily. Some days are better than others, and other days I can barely stay awake because of the medicine…BUT in all things, I give thanks to God for keeping me. For so long, I was just looking at “healing” as the physical manifestation, but I didn’t realize how much mental, emotional, and spiritual healing I also needed. God healed my perspective tonight, and whether or not He heals me physically…I am already healed.
But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed. -Isaiah 53:5, ESV
My prayer for you today is that you, like me, realize that although you may be bruised in different areas in your life…you are not beaten. God has so much He desires to do in your life, and when you submit to the perfect will of God and realize that His ways are not our ways, you will learn to thank Him in all things. I’m praying for you, always.
With Love,
